About

Friday 29 June 2007

I'm taking the day off

I couldn't think of a single thing to say, so I'm taking the day off.

I have jury duty next week too, so my posts will be a bit all over the place. It probably wouldn't actually hurt to take the week off blogging, thinking about it. I'll see how I go. Don't be surprised if you don't hear from me ... my stress levels are reaching new heights at the moment, so I may need to go to ground for a few days. Feel free though to keep things crossed that I managed to make a successful application to the Judge on Monday to get off jury service - this is absolutely the last thing I need right at the moment, and there is no way I'm in the right mind to deal with it.

Do have a good weekend - I'm really looking forward to mine, and I have big plans to rediscover my feet, and plant them firmly back under myself again!

Thursday 28 June 2007

When you've waited so long

I'm having one of those weeks. I'm mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. Work has been tough, life has been tough. Being in that state of mind leaves you open to thinking about and dwelling on things you shouldn't.

Something that bothers me immensely in relation to having a baby, and has done for some time, is what happens if I have been through so much and waited so long that I won't want the baby if we manage to have one?


What happens if wanting the baby so much is because we can't have one?

What happens if actually getting the baby is going to be the point where I say Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Why did this have to be so hard for us? Why did we have to suffer so much to get this baby?

I worry that I'm going to look at that child, and equate it to everything we've been through. The ups and terrible, more frequent downs. I worry that this will somehow never be over, even when it is ... if you follow what I mean.

This is one of my biggest fears because I don't have any problem imagining it happening. That possibility is so awful.

Then again, on the flip side, a couple of days ago my little neighbour made a green playdough Jess dog and in moments like that, it reminds me what this is all about and keeps me going.

Wednesday 27 June 2007

Work and IVF

I am in the very fortunate position (well, in the relative scheme of things) where I have been able to be very open with work about what I am going through at the moment, and what is coming up in relation to IVF. When I went to see Dr. G the other week, the guys I work with knew where I was going, and so when I came back a couple of hours late, they didn't question it. Because they are the sort of people they are, and because I have been so open, I felt comfortable to blow work off for a couple of hours after the appointment when I just needed some time to clear my head. Work knows that when it comes down to work and fertility treatment, work comes second. Every time.


But, it's got me thinking about other people who are not so open with friends and family, and especially not able to be open at work about what they are going through, and how they cope. The thing with IVF is that it's not something you can take care of in your off hours for the most part. There are blood tests for example which must be done at a particular lab (eg. for F+ these must be done at the F+ Clinic at National Women's) and at a particular time (by 9am for FA. I presume it's the same for F+) ... you can't just head into the lab around the corner from home, or work, at lunchtime or home time or whatever. You will need scans too, and there is, of course, egg retrieval or embryo replacement which, admittedly, you can take a few days off for. But, what if you're like me and you have to be in the office for end of month for example? If you're not, you'd best be dying. What if egg retrieval falls at the end of the month? You don't get to choose dates for egg retrieval and replacement, or what time of the day they happen. This business is timed to the hour, and you do whatever you're told.


Bearing in mind that there are only so many dentist or doctor appointments, or deaths in the family one can have in any one month (and if old auntie Mable conveniently pops her clogs to coincide with your egg retrieval, you'd better hope she doesn't do it again a few weeks later for real) ... what do other people do?

Tuesday 26 June 2007

Going Herbal

As far as cynics go, I'm pretty much dedicated to the cause when it comes to herbal health stuff.

A life member of the herbal-remedies-are-a-load-of-horse-shite society all in all.

But, I am going to try Chinese herbs.

I have a little time up my sleeve, and if there is something I can do which might mean that my uterus is the happiest little uterus in the world pre-IVF, and therefore eminently more cheerful about being the recipient of 1x ICSI embryo, then I'll order a double. Considering what this IVF cycle is going to mean in terms of what my body will be put through over the course of the cycle, swallowing a few Chinese herbs isn't really that drastic.

So, I have word of an extremely good Chinese herbalist, and I'm going to drag Al off as well. We'll have to plan a weekend when he's not working and head down to Palmerston North where she is based. Imagine if we didn't have to do IVF at all? I know, that's pie in the sky, but even if it's enough to ensure that the cycle works, then I'll give it a go.

As someone said to us at the weekend, as they showed us their 8 year old child, fast asleep in the most uncomfortable looking position I've ever seen, blankets kicked off all over the place, snoring away, that's what it's all about.

As a side thing (sort of), Tertia posted the other day that research has shown that infertility patients are second only to cancer patients in what they will endure to find healing / to have a child. That staggers me, and yet doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

Monday 25 June 2007

Apparently I omitted an important details about the boots

The husband commented over the weekend that I missed out a rather important detail in relation to my shiny new steel cap boots on Friday. At least, they were shiny and new until I had to use one (with foot encased obviously) to lever a roll of Butynol out of the low racking on Friday. Now they're a bit dirty and scratched. I'm inclined to want to give them a polish and buff the scratches out, but I'm just not sure if it's wrong to have shiny steel caps.

Anyway! The important detail about the boots is that they're not just any old John Bull run of the mill black/brown ankle length steel caps with elastic on the sides to help you get your damn foot in. Oh no. These are my steel caps we're talking about. The Gods were smiling on me the day I walked into NZ Safety to buy my steel caps.

What I have are a pair of mid-calf, caramel leather, cowboy boots (which cost the company a fortune I might add, but that's their problem. In my infinite wisdom I put it on account instead of expenses too so they can't squeak about it either). Full leather too, none of this elastic stuff. Seriously. They even have a little cowboy hat imprinted in the leather on the side. They're very cool steel caps, if I do say so myself, and very comfy and light. It concerns me a little that they're actually blokes steel caps, because I don't think any man in his right mind should wear steel caps like these, but there you go. Perhaps if he was auditioning for the next Village People ... but otherwise, no.

So, there you go. Important detail left out no longer. The husband can now relax.

In relation to the car, I'm still waiting. They now think that it might be ready by Tuesday. I was told for the third time on Friday, definitely by close of business that day, but I turned up to find my car on a hoist with 5 mechanics scratching their heads and running around in circles. It seems that in the process of fitting the cam belt, they busted the radiator hose. It was supposed to be fixed by Saturday morning, but between Friday night and Saturday morning, they busted something else, so it's not. Joy.

Friday 22 June 2007

Apparently I REALLY shouldn't have said ...

That I'd be able to pick my car up yesterday afternoon.

I'm not feeling good that I put my car in for a service Wednesday, and it's now Friday. I'm really not feeling good that they hope it'll be ready for me to pick up today. Apparently they've encountered problems (other than me wanting my car back) ... and I've encountered a rather nasty feeling that this is going to be expensive.

Did I mention that the courtesy car they gave me is brand spankers off the lot? Not bad eh? Only 2000 kms on the clock. It's a bit gutless though, so I'll be glad to get my VW back. As I was driving home on Tuesday night (after dropping my car off, so they could get into it first thing Wednesday ... it was only supposed take half a day) I attempted to go up a slight incline in the road at 50km p/h ... and the poor wee car sort of wheezed out something along the lines of "You want me to do what? At what speed?" and I found myself leaning forward in the seat in an effort to help it get up the road. Plus it's red, so it clashes with my hair something awful. I think the car company's plan is that they give you a brand new car and you might be interested in buying one. Not likely.

And on that note, I have work to do - my storeman hasn't turned up to work again. No doubt that cracking noise he's hearing at the moment is the thin ice he's been skating on giving way. I'm not sure that he has clicked onto the fact that my word is enough to have him out the door. Still, there's a bright side to everything - at least I get to break in the brand new steel caps that the company had to provide me with because I keep having to work in the warehouse (and because I dropped a 35kg roll of butynol rubber on my foot the other day).

Happy Friday pals of mine!

Thursday 21 June 2007

Apparently I shouldn't have said ...

"Yeah, it's freezing, but at least it's not raining" quite so many times in the lead up to yesterday.

But, on the bright side, I've had two random bills from the IRD totalling $250.00 over the last couple of days. Isn't that nice of them? I love getting random, completely unexpected bills for large amounts of money. Well, large enough anyway considering how much money has been flying out the door of late on very uninteresting (ergo not shopping) things. Al and I worked out that we've spent close to $15,000.00 this year, just in stuff crapping out (eg. washing machine, his car) and random things going wrong (eg. my central locking fritzing, my cell phone being stolen). That's not a bad run of completely shite luck really, isn't it? I'm not sure if he counted the FA bills or not, but all in all, I can't say I really want to know.

Plus, this afternoon I get to pick my car up post-service and installation of brand spanking new cam belt (and hopefully sans new water pump and crank shaft, whatever that is).

Still, I am being really good with my budget, and I'm watching any unnecessary spending ... learning to behave with my VISA (I'm almost waiting for a call from the VISA people to check that my card hasn't been lost or stolen because it's barely been used of late ...). There was that impulse buy of a bag of lollies the other night which was $1.50 ... but in my defence, I had a sugar craving. Also if you look at it in the context of Nikki (fellow reforming rampant consumerist) bought a sewing machine, my bag of lollies doesn't seem quite so bad. Weeellll ... I suppose there was the cell phone, but I'd just finished a successful run of selling things on Trademe which paid for it. Almost. I just had to donate a little bit extra to the cause. (It's very important not to completely let your spending-justification skills go)

I'll confess to going out at the weekend with the firm intention of buying a new pair of jeans though. I had big plans to be a budget-bad-ass. But, in the end, I got all the way to Newmarket and I couldn't bring myself to spend the money. I also need a haircut, but the only place I'll go is Toni & Guy, and since that'll cost a quick hundy, I'm resisting the urge.

Not bad for a semi-reformed Ginger hmmm?


Have a nice Thursday.!

Wednesday 20 June 2007

Mouse, mice or mouses?

Yesterday I phoned up Office Max to order a new mouse for one of my reps. I wrote down the code, and ordered accordingly, only to be told that it was a deleted stock item. No worries, there were heaps to choose from. It was just that I hadn't written down the catalogue page that featured them all so I could choose another. So, I started to say "Oh, OK, what page are the ... " and stopped. Are the what? Are the mice on? Are the mouses on? Or should I have said, on which page can I find a mouse?

What is it when you are referring to a (computer) mouse in the plural? Not that it matters. I managed to order another one with that particular question still outstanding and unresolved.

Yes, I know. I possibly could come up with something a little better than that first thing on a dark, chilly Wednesday morning, but, last night, I shared a house with an extremely jet lagged 2 year old (just off a plane from England). This morning, I'm feeling a bit jet lagged myself, so I'm not even going to attempt to.

Still, when I crawled out of bed this morning with my eyes hanging out on stalks, I was greeted with the most beautiful smile and the simple exclamation "Aunty!". What's a girl to do? Fall in love all over again is what. Who needs sleep anyways?

Tuesday 19 June 2007

Don't worry, I'm OK!

I am. Quite seriously.

Yes, I was shattered last week after the appointment. But now? I feel strangely relieved. I'm tired but I feel as though I have a bit of time to get my feet back underneath me before the next round. It was the oddest sensation, this burden that I've carried for so long, suddenly being lifted off my shoulders, no longer something that I have any control over whatsoever. That waiting month after month, keeping track of all things TTC (trying to conceive) related? The hoping and the worry and the disappointment ... none of it matters now, because it won't make a difference. It's all down to science and technology now baby.

The only real concern I have at this point is that when my IVF cycle comes up, they might not let me take a photo of the big-ass egg retrieval needle to post on my blog. Small potatoes really. And, of course, the very real possibility that we might only ever have the one child. That's really sad, but, having said that, for a couple that can't have children on their own, that one child will be an incredible blessing.

You'll be wondering what we've decided about treatment?

We've decided we're going to wait, and use Helen's money (as in, go on the public waiting list). If nothing else, it'd be nice to get something back out of the tax we've paid over the years.

We've looked at our finances, and although we originally thought we'd pay for a private cycle this year, adding up all the expenses we've had of late, and a few that are coming up, things don't look quite so positive (what are the odds that both our cars would need new cam belts at the same time??). Not to mention that we'd based our original budget on conventional IVF, not ICSI. That's an extra couple of thousand all by itself.

We feel that what we will go through will be stressful enough - it doesn't matter how positive an attitude you have, it's still stressful. Financial stress is one thing we can take out of the equation, at least initially, so we have. Don't forget - just because we're doing IVF, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work first pop. If the two government funded cycles go belly up, it all comes out of our pocket from there on in.

Plus, there's no rush now is there? A year won't make any difference to our fertility. None at all. If anything, we can take steps to improve it via (I can't believe I am going to say this) natural health methods. I'm 28, Al is 29. We are, fertility aside (we got a 70 on the scoring for public funding, without even counting my endo (the specialist didn't know how many points it counted for, so left it off!!). The threshold is 65*), the picture of health. The pressure before was the endless months of TTC, of getting nowhere, the stress of being an infertile couple with no plan of action. There's no rush.

Looking forward, we also want to have a savings cushion, for, thinking positively, when are are pregnant and we're on a single income. In case we decide I will be a stay at home mum, in case Al wants to come off night shift, or has to (this is a very real possibility due to changes taking place currently with Air NZ), in which case, the income change we face is very significant. Lots of things. Plus, there's no rush. We can still finish our family in good time.

One good thing though, is that through the public system we are assigned to Fertility Plus (F+), not Fertility Associates (FA), the clinic we have been dealing with to date. F+ is our second choice for treatment provider, but it appears at this stage that as it is also everyone else's second choice, their waiting list is a little shorter. I'd rather be with FA, but, as a friend said to me the other day, can there really be that much in it? She's right. I doubt it.

We haven't considered our cut off point - how far we will take this if the IVF cycles are a bust. We can't consider that at this point. It completely goes against my desire to keep a positive attitude to give it thought. I'm realistic that IVF may not be successful, there's a 50/50 chance after all, but for now? I'm not thinking any further than that first cycle, and the 50% chance that it will work.

Lastly, there are so many people out there worse off than us. IVF is a pretty huge deal, and my Mum keeps urging me not to gloss over it because eventually, it will catch up with me. But, I think of those other people for whom just having to deal with an IVF cycle would be a blessing. In January, a friend from way back was killed in a horse riding accident. She'd only been married a few weeks, and the horse that killed her was a gift from her husband. The horse had behavioural problems, but being the girl she was, she loved it dearly and refused to give up on it. She was the coolest girl, and it is a tragedy in so many senses of the word. Her husband is dealing with something so much worse than what Al and I are. I think of people like him, of them, to keep my perspective.


* http://www.fertilityassociates.co.nz/services13.asp

Monday 18 June 2007

Oops

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10446321

(It's Monday and my hands are too cold to type - I'll do a proper post tomorrow. Promise!)

Friday 15 June 2007

Isn't it funny ...

I don't think, before yesterday, I truly appreciated the difference between surprise and shock.

I told you that I wouldn't be surprised to be told by Dr. G that our only option was IVF, and I wasn't. Yet, when the words came out of his mouth I was still shocked. For just a second, while it settled, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I suppose I must be honest and say that it wasn't so much the IVF verdict. What I actually wasn't expecting was to be told that our only treatment option is ICSI* (which stands for Ahhhh ... shite if you're wondering). As in, it's a waste of time and money trying conventional IVF as it probably wouldn't be successful. Suddenly I'd gone from hoping (more than I was letting on) that IUI might work for us, to hurtling headlong into the big leagues of IVF. It's the big leagues in every sense of the word too ... the science, the money, even the name is bigger!

I think the thing which frightens me about ICSI is that there is nowhere to go from it. It's the pinnacle of assisted reproduction, where the baby you're going to get from treatment, is your own. You start on Clomophine and it doesn't work? Try IUI. You do IUI and it bombs? There's still IVF. You do conventional IVF and things don't go well? Congratulations! You've graduated to ICSI. But we're starting at the top. ICSI is our very first step. It'd drive you to distraction if you let it. This whole thing would.

I refuse to mope though. It is what it is. There are people who are worse off than us. At least we have an option, and the chance of success is high, so we have that to be thankful for. That's not to say that if I hear 'it only takes one' or 'just relax' I'm not going to punch you, but, you know.

The next decision we have to make is in relation to our treatment provider and course of action from here. That's harder than it sounds, though the temptation to just slap down my credit card yesterday was enormous. Where we thought we may be close to the end of all this, it's only just beginning really.

I told Al last night that I'm going to buy a new outfit for egg retrieval and embryo transfer day, when they come (I'll explain the psychology of that another day). He, bless him, said this ...

"What? Like crotchless knickers?"

Sigh.

I suppose they would be practical.


* http://www.fertilityassociates.co.nz/services3.asp

Thursday 14 June 2007

Today, the Death Knell rings

Yes, it is a bit dramatic, but then you're not the one climbing the steps to the gallows now, are you?

We meet Dr. G for the second time at 11.10am.

I am expecting to hear that IVF is our best, if not only, option. But, what I am hoping to hear is that it is worthwhile attempting one or several IUI cycles.

Hold onto your hats.

Wednesday 13 June 2007

Doo wop diddy diddy dum diddy doo

Sooo, I have a new phone.

A few months ago my mother-in-law switched from Vodafone to Telecom, and because she had the same (Vodafone) phone as Al, she gave us her old phone as a spare. Lucky thing, that. So, add one new sim card, hook it up to my account, and we're back in business.

Credit where credit is due too - Vodafone were great about the whole thing. I phoned them and said it had been stolen, provided the appropriate confirmations to provide that it was, in fact, my phone and they put an immediate block on the account. They also let Al go in to a V. store and hook the new sim card up to my phone (requiring ID up the wazoo, but still, they let him do it) which saved me an enormous hassle, and from being without a phone for the week. All I had to do was ring in myself to lift the block. Very helpful of them.


One more day until the specialist appointment. I'll be glad when it's over and I can stop kicking sand. This week has been so tense, I feel like I'm walking around broken glass in bare feet. It doesn't help that other things are going wrong at an alarming rate ... although, at this point, once the phone got stolen, I was just amused (aside from having to hunt down all my contacts again, and the loss of gorgeous fur-kid pics that I hadn't downloaded to my computer yet. That annoys me immensely). Plus, last night, I baked the biggest chocolate cake I've ever baked, and although I refrained from having it for breakfast, morning tea is going to be very enjoyable.

Tuesday 12 June 2007

Never assume things are on the up and up

Yesterday afternoon, I thought our run of luck was improving.

Our TV is fixable. Score! Yes, it'll cost $400.00 (ouch) but at least there is plenty of quiet time in the house at the moment to meditate on how it could have been so much worse. And, $400.00 is a lot less than a new TV.


Aaannnd I am getting a new jersey. Now, before my fellow anti-consumerists leap up and bellow, I am getting it for free! Freeeee!! Happy joy. I phoned the store to see if they'd had any other freak shrinking issues with that particular garment, which they assured me they hadn't ... but in the same sentence they also offered me a replacement jersey.

Ta da!

Not quite.

Yesterday afternoon, as I left work, I realised I'd forgotten to put my cell phone in my bag. Usually, that thing is always by my side - morning, noon and night. I only leave it at home sometimes when I'm walking the dogs, but only if I'm with Al. Assuming it was sitting beside my desk, where I'd left it yesterday, I arrived at work somewhat perplexed to find that it's not there either. Hmmm. I did what you always do next, and rang it. Best way to work out where it is is to follow the ring, right? Except it's off. As in, someone who is not me has turned it off. The only time that phone is off, is when I am in a meeting, at an appointment, or it's flat. It was fully charged and I am not in a meeting, or at an appointment. I wasn't yesterday either. What I was was working in the back of the warehouse on and off all day. Someone has been into the office and lifted my cellphone. BOLLOCKS!

I need to pack up all my possessions for the next few days and hide under my bed.

Monday 11 June 2007

A plug for Pippin

We hate going into the city, but it was well worth it to see Pippin.

I love being amused by theatre, and it's even better if I laugh - which I did, numerous times.

It's a short season and only runs until the 16th.

Go. See. Laugh.


http://www.pilgrimproductions.org.nz/

Enough already!

Our TV which blew up on Friday night.

Yep. TV go poof!

We're having one hell of a year.

I have to admit, just between us though, that I'm kinda enjoying the quiet. I could give or take TV at the best of times, so living without one for a bit doesn't bother me immensely. Don't get me wrong ... I'll miss the odd thing, but I'm happy enough without it for now.

The husband however is suffering dreadfully. No TV means not only no TV, but no xbox either. Something of a horror situation for him. He's been managing to amuse himself to an extent - chasing me around the house suggesting we do what people used to do for amusement before TV was invented ... which is not, apparently, folding the washing.

Oh, and on Sunday, I shrunk a $240.00 jersey that I've worn about 4 times. It's not just a bit short either, because you can layer for that. Oh, no. It seriously shrunk. As in, tonight I am going to take said jersey next door to see if it will fit my 3 year old neighbour. How pissed off am I, on a scale of 1 to 10? Considering I followed the washing instructions to the letter? Very. But, it's not getting replaced.

I'm really not sure of the origin of all this karmic joy and happiness, but I wish someone would consider the score settled. In the meantime though, I'm going to hide under the bed.

Fingers crossed that the TV is fixable.

Friday 8 June 2007

I want ...

The new Op Shop album.

The old Killers album.

The rest of Anthony Bourdain's books.

A Child Against All Odds by Robert Winston.

The first season of Men in Trees on DVD.




It's hard not buying stuff, but I've made it through my first week. I even made it through yesterday without buying anything to have for lunch. I had some bread in the freezer at work, and I just toasted that (and had a few half-milk milos). Yay me! It's $10.00 towards something else more important. For the achievement, it was almost worth sitting at my desk all day thinking about the banana cake, mandarins, milk powder biscuits, and one square meal muesli bar (have you noticed how difficult it is to get a muesli muesli bar these days? They're all chocolate coated, chocolate chunk, yoghurt coated ... you name it) sitting nicely packed in my lunch box, on the kitchen table, at home. Far away from me at work.

The thing I'm finding with spending seems to be breaking habits. If I was following my normal patterns for example, once I'd starting the Anthony Bourdain book that I'm reading and decided that I wanted to read more of his books, I'd immediately buy or order more. Instead, I'm taking my time with this one, enjoying it, and I may get another as my happy-credit incentive when starting fertility treatment. Again, yay me!

Sunday will be a test though ... I'm going to the market, and we all know how much I love the market. But, I got $40.00 cash out today (from my grocery budget) which is about half what I'd normally spend, and I'm going to stick to it. No buying miscellaneous luxury items. Except for perhaps a coffee and a crepe ... maybe. I may find super-human budgety strength and make it home without the indulgence, but I doubt it.

Sunday we're going to a musical (amateur theatre), but I've had the money aside for that, folded up in my wallet for a few weeks now, so it doesn't affect the budget. Someone I know is the lead, and he's such a performer just in general, I'm quite looking forward to seeing him on stage.

And, on that note, Happy Friday! 7.5 hours to go.

Thursday 7 June 2007

Post-Script

(Is that one word, or two?)

I have arrived at work sans lunchbox.

That's what I get for leaving the house half asleep.

Bollocks.

One of those crazy ol' nights

We have them, now and again, in our household.

I'm sitting here having breakfast with my eyes hanging out of my head (great things, WIFI and a laptop - one can blog during ones breakfast, though Mirielle Guiliano would not be impressed).

It started when I crawled into bed. I was lying there, drifting, and then a paragraph of unparalleled brilliance started unveiling itself for my next column. I debated on whether I should get out of bed and put pen to paper, or whether I'd remember it in the morning, and decided that it was such a good paragraph, surely I'd remember it come morning? Usually I forget, but this time, such was the paragraph, I was sure I'd remember. But, as it is now morning, and I can't remember a thing, it seems that that was a bad call.

So, off to sleep I went, content in the knowledge that the paragraph of brilliance was firmly lodged in my memory, only to wake up with a start for an unknown reason at about (ok, fine, exactly) 11.18pm ( ... wee insight into the rather bizarre habits of the Ginger. If I ever wake up with a start in the night, I always check the time (and for some odd reason, always remember it come morning) in case someone, somewhere has been murdered at that exact time and what woke me was actually a scream or a gunshot or a car crashing or some such thing, and I need to give the time to the Police).

Off back to sleep I go.

2am, Vodafone, in its infinite wisdom decided to finally deliver to my mobile phone (which I keep next to the bed at night when Al is at work - in case of emergency) a pxt that my mother in law had sent me during the day. 2am! Argh!! Of course, being who I am (an anal, obsessive compulse freak), I had to get my phone and look at it, didn't I? I couldn't receive a pxt, know I had a pxt, and not look at it!

Off back to sleep again.

Somewhere around the region of about half 3 - 4am, Jack woke up howling. He does this every now and again, though not often thankfully. Ever seen on Discovery or a movie, wolves howling at the moon? Exact same noise. He wakes up, sits up in bed, lets out an almighty howl, and then curls up and goes straight back to sleep. I, meanwhile, am sitting bolt upright in bed with my hair standing on end, and my blood somewhat frozen in my veins. It's a hideous noise anytime of day, but in the wee small hours? *Shudder* This morning though, he didn't go straight back to sleep. He curled up and whimpered. Poor doggy had had a bad dream. Cuddles were necessary, so I half fell out of bed, gave him a big cuddle, and then all was right with the world again.

Off back to sleep for the third time.

5.30am I wake up to Jess pacing the house ... Grrrr Grrrrrrr Wuff wuff wuff .... BOOWWWOOOOOWWWOOOOWWWOOOOOO!!! (Her, not me, though it was tempting ... and that's about as close as I can get imitating her bark via blog, so don't mock) AARGH!!

I managed to get in one more brief snooze before acknowledging morning, and that my alarm was not going to stop bleeping.

And that, my dear friends, was that.

It'll all be just fine though, as soon as this coffee kicks in ... and if that fails, some very loud Linkin Park on the way to work should do it.

Wednesday 6 June 2007

Ginger the anti-shopper

Some friends and I have taken stock of our respective leanings towards rampant consumerism and decided that we have financial goals that we could meet a lot quicker if we curbed some unnecessary spending. So, that's what we're trying to do. It's so easy to spend smaller amounts day by day - $5.00 on a coffee, $30.00 on a book, that sort of thing - but before you know it, over the course of a salary payment period (for me that's a month - eek!), it actually adds up to quite a lot of money.

So, we've created our own little support group with mandatory absolute honesty in relation to spending. We all have our goals, and we can all do with paying a bit more attention to what comes out of our bank accounts. My motivation is the impending financial doom of fertility treatment. Ouchy.

How am I going so far ...? Well it's only been a couple of days, and everyone can be good for a couple of days, so you're probably better to ask me in a week or so.


A couple of things that I have done already though are these:


My conditioner ran out over the weekend. Rather than doing my usual and buying a new set of shampoo and conditioner (about $60.00 depending on what I buy), and shoving the remaining half empty bottle of shampoo in the cupboard never to be used again, and washed down the drain in due course (it's one of life's little annoyances that shampoo and conditioner never run out at the same time), I extracted a partial bottle of conditioner that I had previously shoved in the cupboard, and continued using the half empty shampoo. So, I'm using up old stuff, and haven't needed to buy new stuff. This should keep me going a while too as I have a further bottle of shampoo and part bottle of conditioner spare, sitting waiting for their turn.

My moisturiser ran out. My usual moisturiser is $77 for a 30ml tube, which is quite a lot. I'm really disinclined to buy cheap stuff from the supermarket as every time I've done this (with the good intention of saving money), I've reacted horribly, and it costs a fortune in expensive face products to fix the mess ... about 2 years ago I used a cheaper system, and, I kid you not, most of the skin peeled off the lower part of my face. Very, very bad. But, I could spend less, so, obviously, I want to. Score!! Someone put me onto http://www.strawberrynet.com/country.aspx and I was able to buy my usual moisturiser in a 119ml salon size for $142.50. It roughly works out to about half the price over all. I think. Fractions aren't my strong point.

Work mornings for me where Al is on his days off (as in, he's not walking in the door at about 6am, ready and willing to make my coffee while I try and get my hair to do something other than stand on end), my very strong temptation is to stop in at Luscious on my way to work and buy my morning coffee ... and usually a treat to have with it. Yesterday and today, I set my alarm for 5 minutes earlier and made it myself before I left. I'd also made a batch of chocolate brownies on Monday, so treats were already sitting on the kitchen bench. So, no money spent at Luscious on coffee.

I've also put some things (clothing) that have been sitting around for a while on Trademe - a little bit of money back on previous rampant consumerism is better than nothing!

That's about it for now. Oh, except for resisting the temptation at the weekend to go book shopping at the Whitcoulls sale. I already had 2 books at home which I hadn't read, so I kept my VISA in my wallet and went home and started in on one of the books I already had (FYI - Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. Very good read - thanks for the recommendation dp!)

So far so good.

Tuesday 5 June 2007

On making an ass of oneself

Al and I were at the supermarket on Friday night, doing our weekly grocery shop, and all was going swimmingly until I made a dive for a checkout where, for once, there appeared to be no one before me unloading enough groceries to last the entire NZ Army a year.

And then, I saw this sign on the checkout lane ...



So, I, after saying, very loudly (I always forget about my inside voice in public places ...) "What the Dickens??" (I may or may not have actually said this exact phrase, but we've discussed before that my mother reads this blog, and therefore I reserve the right to lie blatantly about what comes out of my potty-mouth) stopped dead. Al of course, two steps behind, rammed into me and got all grumpy because I'd ground to an unexpected halt, and sworn loud enough to make people turn around.

He says "What? Why did you stop?" (He's staring at me like I'm a lunatic)

I say "We can't go in that aisle"

He says "Yes. We can" (still staring at me like I'm a lunatic)

I say "No. We can't. Look at the sign!"

He says "So?"

I say "But I have chocolate in the trolley"

Ahem.

You can imagine the look he gave me ...

Apparently the sign actually meant that there was no confectionery available for last-minute impulse buying next to the checkout. There were just batteries and lighters. NOT, as I thought, that you weren't allowed to put your groceries through that aisle if you had lollies in your trolley. Woops.

In my defence, it's been a long couple of weeks, the missing period finally showed up with a vengeance Friday night, and, for the love of all that is good, they've had confectionery free lanes as long as I've been alive, and no enormous pink signs at the checkout! I don't think it was that much of a reach to think, in a split second, that someone was taking healthy eating incentives to a whole new level...

And talking about healthy eating, we spotted these while we were in the bicky aisle ...


Seriously? Chocolate topped rice cakes?? Aside from the enormous ewww-factor ...what in heavens name is the point?

Friday 1 June 2007

The things that I love

Did you like my flowers yesterday? Weren't they gorgeous? They look so beautiful sitting on my kitchen table ...so beautiful.


I absolutely love going to the Clevedon Farmers Market on a Sunday morning. It's one of my favourite things.

I hate crowds ...hate the crush of people, the noise, the pushing and shoving, and the stress and anxiety that seems to lift of people in waves. Somehow though, although there are always lots of people at the market, it's different. Somehow, although you're constantly squeezing past, shimmying around, and doing little you-go-no-you-go-no-really-I-insist-you-go dances with people trying to get to one stall or another, almost everyone is enjoying themselves, taking their time, and relaxed. Of course, whether that's just because it's still relatively early on a Sunday morning and they haven't entirely woken up yet, I don't know. The point is that it really is like stepping into another world ...you could almost forget that Auckland exists outside of the Market, and you really could spend quite a bit of time there.

People bring their dogs, and there are always farm animals tied to or milling around by fences or the picnic tables and hay bales set out out the front of the market area. The look of absolute excitement and pleasure on a child's face as they head off on a short ride in a horse-drawn cart is enough to set you up for the day.

The main event though, what I go there for ...the food. Fresh bagels, meats and sausages, breads and cheeses (assuming you can get to them before they sell out!), wines, pestos, chocolates and nuts, biscuity treats, cakes and tarts, fruit and vegetables, an espresso while you walk around, smelling, tasting, savouring ...it's a favourite place. Last week there were crepes as well, and I tell you, sitting on a hay bale in the morning fog eating a perfect lemon and sugar crepe? Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Slightly crispy around the edges, with lemon dripping down your arms while you savour the little parcel? Divine. Syrupy, sticky, yummy happiness.

And, of course, if that isn't enough, just down the road is the Italian Country Kitchen. Or is it the Italian Country Market? It's the Italian something anyway, and it's just as wonderful. Al usually drags me out of these places by the hair. When I went in there a couple of weeks ago I was given half an orange to try and I melted on the spot. It was straight from Keri Keri and hadn't been chilled ...and oh! you could taste the difference. I haven't had an orange like that in years. It wasn't one of the perfectly round, beautiful, completely tasteless, dry oranges you get from the supermarket ...it was a smallish, ugly, yellow looking orange. I bought a bag (they pack things in paper bags ...I love when stuff is packed in paper bags!) and they lasted about 5 minutes after they arrived home. I was also able to conveince myself that it was for the Vitamin C, as opposed to just being a piggy.


I love markets. Really love them. It helps too that they're all about food, and I do love my food.

It's the little things ...the simple things ...that we do often forget to stop and appreciate when life gets so hectic and busy. I can't wait until I have children to share these things with.

Have a good long weekend. I'll be back Tuesday. Hopefully with my damn period. No. 1 concern right now with the missing period? My bikini wax is going to hurt like a bitch tomorrow.


(Can anyone else believe that it's the first of June already? That's some kind of wrong.)