A lot of people, friends, acquaintances and cyber-pals, say that they admire my attitude and strength in dealing with my infertility. I don't feel particularly strong, but I do want to hold onto my good humour as much as I possibly can. Although it can be hard sometimes, it really is worth not giving in to the bad stuff ...for myself, my husband and my family.
Giving myself things to look forward to from day to day, week to week, and month to month, has made a huge difference ...and even when things are perfectly fine, as they are most days, I still treat myself every day. It's my 'Happy Credits' system!! (Or ...you know ...a good way to write off my lack of self control ...)
My indulgent treat of the moment (well, aside from the handbag, a couple of new tops, the pants and super cool looking hoodie I've ordered off the winter preview at Moochi, the .....oh. No, no, no ...That's everything. Honest! No shoes. Not even half a shoe. Ahem. Moving on ....) is stopping off on my way to work and picking up a large cappuccino. There is a café in Onehunga called Luscious that I pass every day, and they make a really good cappuccino. I love parking and then wandering down to the café (I always park down the street a bit so I can do the ceremonial wander), ordering my drink and then sitting and looking at all the yummy things in the cabinets, planning what I’m going to try the next time I need a bit more than just my cappuccino (next time it’s a lemon meringue slice ...last time it was apple rhubarb pie). About once a week I’ll grab a little bag of biscotti or mini melting moments too, for the days when Al makes my coffee for me before I leave for work.* Yum! It’s really naughty and indulgent, and therefore very, very enjoyable to have a cappuccino and a biscotti or a mini melting moment at 7.30 in the morning! (I know …I’m completely disgusting). But, it’s something good and cheerful, and it’s a little thing that makes me smile. Plus, I'd rather destroy a lovely bicky at 7.30am, than swallow a couple of Citalopram** ...and it works for me.
I tend to bring out the big guns for the end of a cycle though, I have to admit. Getting through the end of a cycle can be tough. You suffer through that infernal two week wait (TWW) after ovulation, hoping that this time a miracle will happen …then your period arrives, and that means it’s over. Again. Even when it’s inevitable and you know it's coming, you still feel a sense of loss. It’s the loss of hope.
So, I plan something in particular to look forward to each month for when my period is due. It's a really good distraction. Usually it’s getting my eyebrows and eyelashes 'done’, or maybe getting a haircut (handing over $100 at Tony & Guy for a cut is just the start ….praying that Al doesn’t get to the VISA bill before I do is the distraction bit!), buying a book or a pampery product ...or both!!…things like that. I’m not entirely sure that the bikini wax of a couple of months ago was the best idea I’ve ever had …but it did distract me!**
It was also particuarly convenient late last year when the Auckland U2 concert fitted in nicely with the end of a cycle ...and I could therefore pay a criminally inflated price for my tickets on Trademe guilt free in the name of Happy Credits.
This month, I’ve booked a pedicure. It’s extremely frivolous, I know, but this cycle is a significant one. Once this cycle ends, things are going to change and it all gets very, very serious. It’s going to stop being about achieving our miracle on our own, and it’s going to start being about assisted reproduction ...drugs or injections or both, scans and monitoring, and hard medical science. So, I’m getting a pedicure. Obviously, after I've had my beloved bikini wax.
* In case you're wondering why I don't make it myself ...In a well planned move on my part, I haven't quite learned how to use the machine (that we've owned for about 2 years) yet ;-)
** Anti-depressant meds.
***In relation to bikini waxes …if I can offer just a wee piece of advice? If you have your first ever bikini wax, and spend the entire duration of said wax jumping off the bed and muttering (ok, ok …fine …yelling) the worst swear words you know, and then the beauty therapist says (as you’re in the process of paying for the extreme pain you just endured) "Do you want to book a repeat appointment?" and you say "Not on your damned life you evil, evil, pain inflicting wench" and she says "Why don’t we just pencil it in, in case you change your mind?" and you seem to forget completely how to form the words ‘No’, ‘Bugger off’ and 'Over my dead body' ...you will end up back on that bed, having another bikini wax.
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