I'm on about routines again. Or still. Or, not really even routines at all, I just wonder how your daily lives with baby kidlets played out.
The night waking thing for feeds was disastrous. We tried, but he hated it and I hated it. We don't do multiple night wakings, either of us (also, my Dr said that for goodness sake, if you have crap days, why on earth are you deliberately giving yourself crap nights? Energy has to be gotten from somewhere. Huh. Interesting point). He seems to like going to bed earlier, and 8pm seems to be the happy slot. Bath, feed, in bed around 8pm. 2am or so after that seems to be a good time to wake for a night feed, meaning he's up and about again around 6-7am. It's very weird that are nights are awesome but our days are a major challenge.
So, I'm lost. We just can't quite get the hang of. We have a vague outline, but nothing at all reliable. Cuinn tends to be up after his first morning feed for around 45 minutes to an hour, and then has a sleep. In theory. Said sleep can be anything from 10 minutes to about 3 hours. The shorter the sleep, the more grizzles-slash-hollering. Anything after that sleep, regardless of the length of time, is complete free form and usually the afternoons and early evening are hard work. We take him for a walk with the dogs which is usually around an hour to an hour and a half and he snoozes then, so we try to do it late afternoon when he really needs a zzzzz.
It may just be that he's a kid that can't be put into a sleep pattern and he'll sleep as and when he feels like it. It may also be that he just wants to hang out. But, based on very predictable and consistent meltdowns, my gut tells me I'm missing something. Bollocksing something up.
Feeds tend to start around 2 hourly, unless he's had/having a sleep, in which case they push out, but of course that 2 hourly thing can also affect the length of sleep. My Dr suggested to me yesterday that he's not actually feeding so much as drinking, which could be the case - he's a hot, sweaty kid, and he sleeps better, feeds less etc in cooler temperatures eg. at night. Dunno. Everything is guess work and then some.
So, share. What did you do? How did you do it?
And, I really want to know, what did you do with your baby kidlets while they were awake? I wonder if I'm too in his face, and trying too hard to interact with him and keep him interested ... maybe he just needs to hang out, or learn to hang out? I need to be able to go to the loo, make a cup of tea, eat breakfast, get some lunch, whatever else activity involves being able to put the baby down and won't result in the house being yelled down every time a coconut. It wears on my nerves some. But, maybe he's bored. Or maybe he's completely the opposite and over stimulated ...
Or, of course, Mummy just needs to chill and go with the flow. That's always a possibility.
In the meantime, Mummy is going to toddle off, make the cup of tea she's been waiting aaaall morning for. Yay for cups of tea! Stay asleep baby boy ... stay asleeeeeeep!
(Oh, good. He heard me willing him to stay asleep and just woke up. Bah! Still, at least he let me get the blog post out first. Good little man!)
9 comments:
Hrmmm... hrmmmmmmm... hrmmmmm...
I don't really have a whole bunch of solutions apart from, HEY! I'm coming to Auckland this weekend I can come hold the kid for a couple of hours between feeds (or for 5 minutes before you get withdrawals ;) ) so you can sleep? Or just hang out with ya and bitch about children.
My only extremely non-helpful advice is repeat the mantra "do what you can to survive" a gazillion times a day. And that just means feck "the rules" of what you are meant to do with the kid or not do with the kid. Just do what you can to get through the day.
For what it's worth, I had Han on a 3 hourly routine. I think it was feed, play, then sleep.
And one more thing (which you'll punch me for!) - you'll get this stage sorted and the little bugger will grow and change the routine. But that also means that if things aren't working out just at the moment, you can pretty much guarantee that in a couple of weeks things will have changed, hopefully for the better.
Anyway, I'll be in touch re: rendezvous.
xoxox
Hang in there love!
Excellent! I can definitely rendezvous - late Saturday or Sunday. 'twould be marvellous! :-) (Oddly, it was during our 2am feed early this morning that a little Nikki-is-coming-to-Auckland-sometime-soon-I'm-sure-I-must-check-when flag when up. Awesome!)
Hi i'll reiterate what nikki says, and wait and see/do what u can. But additionally if i wanna cuppa or a shower or something, i try putting M on his play mat or in his bouncinette so he can watch while i do stuff. I tend to aim to do this just after I feed him (I feed, play, sleep too) when he is nice and awake rather than getting tired. incidentally the 1st few times i put him in his bouncinette to do this he cried...
with amelia, we chose not to let her cry very much right at the start, so we had a similar pattern (or a similar not-pattern) to you, but without the ouchy howling. just a very very very wide awake child who fed two to three hourly, and wanted us to do stuff with her.
with my other kids, last century he he, i let them cry.
i regretted doing BOTH!
so, that tells you that no matter you do you will feel a tad unsure (am i under-exaggerating there???)
with amelia, i think it stopped her getting into a decent sleep pattern, because she had to be comforted to sleep until she was 10 months old which i LOVED doing, but i was BUGGERED, so i decided to make her sleep thru, . my words to andrew were, "if i have to keep waking to her three times a night, i am going to go mad. so, if you want to get up because you cant bear the crying, you can, but, I WON'T BE . . . "
he accepted my offer. 3 nights later, with us patting her back when she cried, and she was doing 10 - 12. BLISS.
i started letting her cry more during the day when she was 6 months old (kaz cooke's advice there), and that worked a TREAT, after the initial bellowing matches. she then began sleeping longer hours - like THREE AT A TIME, MORNING AND NIGHT.
with the others, they ALL slept thru by a few weeks old, altho sometimes i fed them to sleep, but mostly they were left to cry. my heart felt like it was being ripped out of my body via my butt tho. that was what we did back in them days but. still, they all had long long sleep times during the days, which saved us all.
so, my suggestion is a combo of the two: survival mode is good . . . do what you need to get through a day. don't be afraid to put him down for a few minutes and let him holler if his pants are clean, he has been fed, and he is reasonably well winded. have a shower, or a cup of tea, making sure so you can hear him. you already know that he survives the howling fits, as he has so many, so that is great. it will also give you a break when you need it.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HOLD HIM ALL DAY. he just thinks you should. he does need to know that you will be back to hold him after a short break, and that you will soothe him as he is used to.
also, make sure that you are getting the best nutrition that you possibly can - calcium, magnesium, boron (which you have already), a really really good multi (i started taking a specific kickarse blend just before amelia started sleeping thru the night - her sleep during the day was also better - due i think to my improved nutrition, PLUS my energy returned in spades - a combo of her sleep and my new goodies - let me know if you want BRAND NAMES) plus some protein with EVERY meal, and ample good fats - fish oil, avocado, flaxseed oil etc. snacking on nuts is also excellent, they will help cut the cravings, and give you some of the micro nutrients that you are looking for when you binge out. aim to make that milk as rich as you can, and your body will thank you too as the omega's get into gear, as will he.
if you are tired (duh huh!) and just pick at carbs and fatty stuff for a pick up - that won't cut it for milk quality. your blood sugar level will impact on his immediately. protein will very much help YOUR stress levels because of the way it affects certain chemical processes in the brain (i can send you a link if'n you want re WHY), so you cope better, and don't pass on your wound-up-edness to him, and will put some super-oomph in the milk. blessed thistle is also marvellous for improving milk quality.
remember too, these are very early days. you have only just recovered from major surgery - and your body and mind are depleted. plus, you have a gorgeous red-faced parasite draining your very marrow every few hours. it is HARD WORK. bloody hard work.
you can tell from the photos that he is just fine, healthy, normal, huge, and well-loved. whatever you are doing is not harming him - remember, he is learning how to be human at the same time as you are learning how to be his mother . . . i'd say you are doing a kickarse job!
you just described jake and taine.
we got....a dummy. and it really worked, and they were quiet for periods of time. and I slept.
but most of the time everyone else talked about how babies could be up ofr only one hour at a time, and I glared at them.
so i have no helpful suggestions BUT i can add that all that didn;t make children who were forever evil and non-sleeping. eventually they grew out of it and we all liked each other a WHOLE lot better.
With Ethan I let him set his own routine (cue the that is NOT helpful part) he woke for his dummy till he was 7 months but didn't do a whole lot of extra crying..i suspect because we got onto his allergies very early and also because he just isn't really a crying type baby..
I was the only one up every night so I hear you on the lack of sleep and you guys are doing a freaking awesome job to still be sane!
He never could be up long so when little it was always feed, play , sleep.. and I was in his face sometimes and sometimes let him just chill..
I still feel the (how did ruth put it) heart ripped out thing when he cries too:(
anyway for the first six weeks he never slept in his cot and we just did what we needed to cause boy was recovering from emergency c section and waking up all the time a sucky shock:) ! we did wake him at 10pm for a few months which didn't really work for us...but did mean he woke a little less..I'm not one for waking sleeping bubs though!
Anyway they should all follow one routine but they don't damn them:(!
have you tried him with a bottle of boiled water? thirsty baby and all. won't compromise your milk, but might MIGHT help . . .
The funniest thing out was trying him on a bottle the other night. I waited till his night feed, had some milk expressed, gave him the bottle and he chugged like a demon for about 10 seconds and you could SEE the moment the light went on and he realised it wasn't a boob. He just stopped, opened his mouth, shoved it out with his tongue and glared at me. I kept trying, but he'd just keep his mouth open in a lovely passive-agressive way, let the milk pool and then spat it out all over me. Several times. Little monster. Hehe. Apparently Dads are the best ones to give them their first bottles though because Dads don't have boobs on the side lines, so Al is going to try again on his next days off.
P.S. Thank you everyone for your experiences - we have a post brewing, and the last couple of days have gone pretty well!
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