The perfect post

I normally spend a bit of time in traffic on my way to work ...sitting at the lights behind 50 gazillion other cars, waiting for the infernal red light to go green, so that I can go and wait at the next red. I do have it better than some though, I encounter about 8 sets of lights between me and work with a nice stretch of relatively clear motorway (South Western) in between, and it usually only takes me about a half hour between driveways (mine and the office).

But, newsflash! Regardless of how easy/tough I have it, I have a system for getting around those pesky red lights! I discovered it just this morning while on my way to work ...and while it may not be entirely dependable, it worked great guns for me today.

Here it is ...

* Have a flash of brilliance and think of the perfect post for your blog whilst driving down the road. And by perfect, I mean an excellent blend of informative discourse and intelligent witticisms, on a well chosen topic. Literary genius and all that.

* While not taking your eyes off the road for a second (!! very important), reach a hand into your handbag and pull out your diary and a pen (allowing a little extra time for first grabbing onto some lip gloss, followed by a packet of paradex, a tub of moisturiser, your work keys, two pens that don't go, and something else kinda squishy (??!) before finding a working biro) to make some quick notes at the next red light (I choose the red lights because then you'll actually be able to write properly and be able to read what you've written later...oh, and, of course, the whole not operating a motor vehicle whilst trying to write blog notes thing).

* This will then ensure that the traffic will flow beautifully for the entire duration of your trip, you will encounter nothing but green lights the whole way into work, and therfore not be able to write down a single letter.

* Obviously, the downside of this system is that you'll forget what your blog post was going to be about by the time you get there.


How does that work you ask (the forgetting bit)? Well, it's like ...waking at 2am, when you can't be arsed getting out of bed, and thinking of something that you have to remember to do the next day, spending ten minutes debating with yourself whether you will remember and therefore don't have to get up, or you won't, in which case you do ...upending the cat that was sleeping on top of you (and who is now rather pissy) because you know from years of experience with this sort of thing that of course you're going to forget and you therefore have to get up, then tripping over a dog (or two) lying beside the bed, landing face first on the floor, righting yourself vaguely, walking into a door and then over-correcting into a wall, managing to get down the hallway with only one more wall incident, but having to turn on the kitchen lights to find a pen, therefore causing yourself to go completely blind as you realise that you're busting for the loo, which requires you to dash back down the hallway, tripping over whichever dog has followed you into the kitchen and is sitting behind you (I mean seriously, why would a dog think it's getting treats at 2am?? ...probably because they're so cute, they get treats at 2am ...I am so pathetic), and then forgetting why you got up in the first place, but because the dogs have decided that now that they're awake they too need to go for a pit-stop which involves not only wees (outside, obviously), but a full perimeter sniff of the property to ensure that no intruders ...or, you know, cats ...have entered their territory, then locking the door and checking 50 times that it is definitely locked and you are not going to murdered during what remains of your sleep, and going back to bed. Except, without the bruises and a pissy cat.

That sort of thing.

It was going to be such a clever post too. Bollocks.