So, yes, I've been thinking ...

Mulling, I suppose you'd call it.

Initially, when we saw the specialist to discuss fertility treatment, and he said that waiting 2 or 3 years wouldn't matter at all to my fertility, and he thought that it was a good length of time to continue trying to conceive naturally, I was horrified. 2 or 3 years. I'm 28 now. I thought I'll be 31 in 3 years, and the thought panicked me. It panicked me because I always imagined having my children in my twenties, and there isn't that much of my twenties left. I was going to have had 2 by 30, and that would be my family complete. That was the plan. Before the plan got shot to bits of course. I swear, it was like we made the plan, and someone out there painted a bullseye on it.

The specialist was suggesting that we change the goal posts, and that was scarey stuff.

But, the more time I have with these thoughts, things seem to be changing for me. The specialist (we'll call him Dr G shall we? for Dr Graham. It saves me typing out 'the specialist' every time I refer to him) said to me that as far as my fertility, or apparent lack thereof, goes, there is no difference between 28 and 30/31. Not like there is between 28 and 35. Dr G believes that as long as I'm OK, there is no need at all to rush.

I'm not suggesting that we're going to put the brakes on things, and try to avoid a natural pregnancy. We're just going to carry on life as normal. I'm purely thinking about if it comes down to IVF. We could get pregnant naturally in 6 months and it won't be an issue. But, in the meantime I'm musing about what happens at the end of this year if we're still not pregnant and the IVF issue starts to loom large , not if something unexpected happens naturally in the meantime.

The thing is, one cycle of IVF is $10,000.00 thereabouts. $10,000.00 is a lot of money. And if the cycle doesn't work? You may as well have just stood there and flushed the whole lot down the toilet. Can you imagine flushing $10,000.00 down the toilet? Then there would be another cycle, and maybe another one on top of that. You get the picture. It's big dollars. The cost of one cycle - $10,000.00 - would almost get my house finished. I could recarpet, redo the kitchen (the benchtop and cupboard facings), and a few other bits and bobs that I really want done. I'm thinking that we can do those things, and then just come up with the IVF money again a bit later on.

Plus, I'm really happy at the moment. Very content to kick back and enjoy life as it rolls on by. I'm loving the time I get to play with my dogs at the park every day, and the time with Al with no demands other than those of normal life, loving just 'being' for the moment. I'm thinking about maybe taking a big holiday next year (and by big, I don't mean 'normal people' big, like an OE or tour, I just mean going overseas for a week or something ...big for me. My travel thing is a whole other post). A month after seeing Dr G I am just in such a good head space. Things are great. Does that make sense?

I suppose what it all comes down to, is ... I am starting to wonder, is there any need to rush?

No, there's not.

Looking at my beautiful new bathroom (which we're painting this weekend, so stay tuned for pics), I'd really like to get the rest of the house done, and it'd be so nice to have a gorgeous house to rattle around in for a bit. Of course a house doesn't make up for a child, and I'm not suggesting that it can, or will. I'm just thinking that this extra time that Al and I have without a family is a gift of sorts that I could probably enjoy for a little bit longer than I thought I might be able to.

Anywho ...Methinks I'm starting to waffle, so I'll leave it there. Watch this space.