Well of course it's all about me

I was talking to someone a day or two ago about blogging.

I can't remember how we ended up talking about blogging, but the person, who we'll affectionately call Peter (as in PITA, for Pain In The Ass, which is what he strives to be on a daily basis), asked what blogging is. I told Peter that a blog is an online journal of sorts (the word 'blog' comes from web log. Weblog. Blog) and that blogs are for whatever you want to use them for. For many, including me, it's for journaling whatever you feel like, be it serious or not - that which ails ya, that which amuses ya, that which annoys ya, whatever.


He looks at me and says "That's very self-indulgent behaviour don't you think?"

Uh, yes. I do think.

He seemed surprised that I agreed with his criticism, but after all, isn't each of us the centre of our own universe? Of course we are.

I started this blog because I'm going through something really hard. It's cathartic for me to be able to talk about things, and to be completely frivolous and silly about things that perhaps I'm not really as silly and frivolous about as I may seem, and I do it because it lightens the burden I carry every day just enough for me to keep carrying it as long as I have to. It helps keep that black swirly fog from engulfing me. Without it, I don't know how I would have got through the last few months. It's a life line to the old me ...the me that existed before life got so hard and serious, before the battle began and I realised quite how broken a heart could get. I like that old me, and I'll do whatever I have to to hold onto her.

This blog gives me somewhere safe to explain to people what's going on, and means I don't have to repeat myself. If a friend or family member wants to catch up with us, I send them here usually, because it is unbelievably difficult to have to keep telling people about this. Every time you explain things to someone, you have to delve back into the bad stuff and all the hurt and anger comes back, and it keeps you there long after you're finished telling someone the latest. My blog makes it all easier, and it means that I can keep a smile on my face most of the time, and give other people what they need from me as well without it taking everything I have. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm just saying that it means I can do it.

Yes, I really want others struggling with infertility to be able to read my blog and know that they're not alone in what they struggle with and feel, and maybe something I say on here will give them strength that they may be finding hard to tap into ...but this gets me through it as well.

I have somewhere to celebrate the good days, and words to hide amongst on the bad days.



Just quietly too, since we're taking about the blog ...it amazes me how many of you read this blog, and your emails, texts, messages and the other ways you let me know that you're here, reading, being there for me, means so very, very much. Your love and support make it that much easier to face each day head on and to get through the endless disappointing cycles... having you guys is like curling up on the couch with a hot chocolate, wrapped in a warm blanket on a cold, wet, blowy winter night. Thank you so much.