It's just over 7 months since I had my endo surgery, and it's back. The pain. I can't believe it's back, and although I am hoping that there is just something putting my body under a bit of stress (eg. the stomach bug I had a few weeks ago) which is in turn causing stress on the scar tissue, and therefore the pain, I have a very bad feeling about it ...
Post-op, months 1 to 3 were completely hideous. The pain was incredible, and the host of other symptoms weren't much better, but of course I was healing. It wasn't what I expected - though perhaps it was a little unrealistic to think that I'd jump off the table after major abdominal surgery and it'd all be tickety boo immediately - but of course my body was going through a healing period after some serious tooling around was done with some rather delicate internal organs. Months 4 and 5 I could tell were an improvement. Month 4 wasn't as horrendous as months 1 to 3, so things were looking up. Month 5 was a marked improvement on month 4, and month 6 rocked. I felt great, I had so little pain it barely registered on the radar and it was fantastic.
Last Thursday, 7 months to the day since my surgery, I went to bed with a wheat sack, and not just because it was blimmin freezing. Friday morning I woke up in pain. Saturday, it came and went, but wasn't too bad (probably thanks to wine, chocolate fish, cake ...and the glass of wine that ended up being tipped down my pants, which was a great distraction ...not to mention that my sister in law captured photographic evidence of me trying to dry my butt with a hair dryer ...funny at the time and funnier in retrospect, though I do sincerely hope that photo doesn't see the light of day because it really did look completely wrong). Sunday, I had an odd hollowed-out-with-a-spoon sensation going on. This morning, I woke up in undeniable pain, and ended up spending quite a long time under the hot water in the shower, resisting the urge to boot the beautiful new shower walls in frustration. I settled for shampooing my hair with a little more violence than normal. Right now, the sharp pain has eased, and is just sitting there, relatively quietly, spiking every little while. It's only day 18 of my cycle ...which means who knows how bad things will be when I get my period? It's not a good sign if it hurts already.
Do I only get 2 months?? I don't know that it was worth it all for just 2 months. At the time I told myself it was all worth it because I'd be pain free once things settled down after the op, and my surgeon told me that within 3 to 6 months post-op I should be pregnant. That was more than worth it. But this? Still unable to conceive, and living with pain again? This is not worth it. Thank goodness that on the eighth day God created VISA so that people would have something to do on the seventh day while they rested ...and, you know ...on the other six days during their lunch breaks.* Retail therapy makes the world go round, quite joyfully in fact! And there's this new store opened not too far from where I work ...
* I'm checking for stray lightening-bolts, just in case that classed as blasphemy, but so far so good.
No comments:
Post a Comment