Every cloud has a silver lining

What complete horseshit. Whoever came up with that wee gem apparently wasn't paying my specialist.


You'll remember (and if you don't you should - I'm not pouring my heart out for your amusement kiddies. Well, not solely. There's a trade off here - I expect you to remember details) that after meeting with Dr. G in March, both Al and I had to have further tests done to confirm certain things - that I'm ok, making eggs, ovulating etc etc ...and that Al is ok, whether his borderline semen analysis results, done early on, were accurate or not (they were done through a non-specialist clinic, and therefore Dr. G was suspicious that they might have been cocked up, if you'll excuse the expression), and that the extras tested through FA, how well the sperm survive post ejaculation, and whether there were/are antibodies present etc, were all good.


All of that has now been finished, and it's not good. Dr. G called me on Monday to say that the sum of all the tests "changes things dramatically". We have to go back to see him, to find out where we go from here. He sounded as sad as I felt when he said to me "Don't give up.". He must find it so hard to deal with sad people all the time. I would.


So, what's wrong?


Well, we've only got part of the information at this stage - the important part though, which is that it aint going to happen on its own kiddies - so he wants to see us, to explain it all, scientific-like, face to face. Facts, figures and options.


Endo, on it's own, wasn't expected to be an issue. Add in male factor issues, which in this instance are significant motility (movement) and morphology (appearance) abnormalities and you've got yourself a couple who have gone, in one phone call, from having about a 10%-15% chance of natural conception (based on lag-time actually getting pregnant), to having about a ...ohhhh ...around 0% chance. Somewhere under the 5% mark anyway. We completely suck. Mind you, at least we suck together. It's both of us. Bad luck.


We'll be back in the specialist's office on June 14 to have our treatment options laid out, and get the cold, hard medical data we need to make informed decisions about those treatment options, and our future. I know that I'll feel a lot better once I've sat in that office and got figures, seen blood results and all the rest of it. If you give me data, I'm ok. Data makes this a lot more about science and a lot less about my heart. Science I can do. Data, I do very well.

So, the battle continues, and we've kicked it up a notch, but we'll get there. I don't see myself with a baby ...it's been over 2 years, so I'm having trouble visualising an end to this ...but I don't see us growing old childless, and that's the carrot that we're trying to catch, which is dangling at the end of the stick.