A couple of weeks ago I got a summons for jury service.
So, I did what everyone does, and tried to wheedle out of it. I asked my boss at head office to write a letter saying that it would be a terrible hardship and inconvenience to have me away from the office etc etc (the usual), which I then dutifully sent it off to the Court people.
And. They. Declined. My. Application.
Seriously! I got a letter yesterday ...
After due consideration, I regret to advise that your application has been declined ...because your company couldn't write a decent letter to wiggle you out of jury service to save themselves ...
I suppose it didn't exactly say that, but you get the general gist. Jury service. Me. Duly summoned (is that the word?). No wiggling out allowed. Bollocks.
The thing is, they're not supposed to decline it. They're supposed to go "Oh, OK then. No worries! See you next time!" and then the next time you do the same again, and so do they. It's in the jury service handbook or something. I've been summoned (again, no idea if that is the word) about 4 times now, and I've always got out of it. Well, except this time. Which means that my previous letters were better. Bollocks. I should've known that my current company were crap at this sort of thing and used an old one.
Did I mention that there is a trial scheduled to start that week which is anticipated to last for four weeks? FOUR WEEKS! If I get selected, I'm going to be there for a month! And what sort of trial is that going to be? It's not going to be some open and shut trial of an idiot that forgot to put a mask on while he was robbing a dairy now, is it? No, it's going to be murder or something else completely nasty.
I'm working on a plan though. So far, said plan consists of turning up to Court and looking all judgemental and scowly at the Defence people. I'll just have to work out who they are. Mind you, whoever I look all judgemental and scowly at is going to get all upset anyway aren't they? So I guess I'll just look judgemental and scowly at everyone then. And I'll try not to look thick. Lawyers like thick people involved in these sorts of things because they think they can baffle them and win. I'll have to make sure I wear my glasses. Hair up, or down? Which looks more intelligent? Probably up. Down, my hair looks like I've stuck my finger in a light socket, and intelligent people don't usually do that sort of thing (although one of the guys I work with jammed a knife in a plugged-in toaster the other day, which I didn't think was overly smart).
Actually, when I stop and think about it, I wonder if I'm looking at this all wrong ...? Perhaps I should embrace the opportunity to do jury service, especially if it's going to be a long trial (I can't even sit still through a movie, let alone a day in Court, goodness knows how this is going to go. I'm going to have the judge throwing things at me and telling me to stop wiggling, I can see it now!).
I could write them a letter to say thank you.
Dear jury selector person
Thank you for your letter declining my application to be excused from jury service.
I'm so pleased that you read between the lines and realised that I really would love to sit on a jury and I especially sincerely hope you pick me for the really long trial. That'd be great.
You see, I keep a daily blog, and now I'm going to have heaps of new material! I'll be able to tell my readers all about what's happening at Court, and I'm sure they'll be really interested in the evidence and stuff! I'll be able to ask their advice too if I'm not too sure about anything! It'll be like having an extra big jury!
Thanks again,
Simonne.
You know what else this means? When I'm on jury service I'm not going to be able to update my blog in the mornings. Possibly for four weeks! What about all my fans?
It's not till July though, so no immediate panic.
One really big bugger though is that if I decide on flight with my job, I'm screwed. I have to give a months notice, and with potentially a month on jury service coming up, I'm not going to be a very good option for anyone. I'm just going to have to sit tight for a few months. Still, they did give me a pay rise the other day ...probably to try and hold off the flight I guess.
...Do you think it's justifiable to get a new outfit for jury service?
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